can you tie my apron for me?

i am slightly becoming obsessed with the food network.
i want to cook and bake and create things from food.
i have this desire to be healthy and i want learn how to be healthy.
i think i'm going to look into taking some classes.
there's got to something that will work with my actual job schedule.
when i grow up...i want to be rachel ray.
i need some proper tools..better knives and a new wok.